It's nice to know that after being together for seven years, I still find my husband unbelievably attractive. I wonder how I landed such a catch and I'm still madly in love with him. Of course, like all married couples, we have our days, even weeks and months where the only thing that keeps me from killing him is that pesky clause in the life insurance policy invalidating the policy if I murder him. And in all fairness, he has those days with me too, and his patience and tolerance of my faults makes me love him even more.
There are days I can't believe we've already been married over five years, and I am still amazed at how I sometimes get giddy over him like it's our first real date all over again. I recall the cocktails at Sissy K's after work followed by a tour of his cutter and the awkward moment when he dropped me off wondering if he was going to kiss me goodnight (he didn't!). I spent hours the night before planning my outfit for the perfect balance of cute and warmth in the middle of January. I decided on a black sweater with a red skirt, camel knee high boots, wool camel coat and hat but debated all day about the warmer pink scarf or the less warm, but more adorable Burberry knockoff. That afternoon we talked at the bar for hours and I used the patented "lean in, touch his arm, lean back and giggle". It was the start of a whirlwind romance that has never stopped whirling.
Several of my oldest friends can tell you I have a history of getting bored very quickly. LVDMF made a habit of telling me in advance exactly how long she thought each relatioship would last (2 weeks ring a bell?) And I'll take a moment to thank EAAL, BCS, CLPS and LVDMF for picking me back up each time with timely words of wisdom. Here's a poem BCS found for me after one particularly rough breakup:
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure,
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
-I'm sure that should be attributed to someone, but I have no idea who wrote it!
Ryan and I spent the first few years together dancing a fine line between my refusal to depend on anyone and the reality that a being in a relationship requires you to trust that you can depend on your partner. He waited patiently while my fierce desire to maintan independence slowly evolved into a respect and trust that I can depend on him for our family's financial security while he depends on me to raise our children and run our household. We've found the right balance for us between being dependent and being a dependant.
So as he stood there today between games, all sweaty and sexy in his hockey pads and skates, snuggling our little boys, I thought about how lucky I am to have such a ridiculously hot and dependable husband.
Oh, and talented too. His team, the Revenue Cutter Service, won the Commandant's Cup!