In January, Marek celebrated his first birthday. In true third child fashion, we didn't have a big party, but I did make him a cake, and I did have a few glasses of wine. I might have taken some pictures, I'm not sure. He'll discuss this in therapy years from now, and probably read this blog as proof I'm a terrible mother. But then 30 years from now he'll catch up and understand we're all just doing the best we can.
This week, Pete celebrated his fifth birthday. My little baby can ride a bike, goes to school, knows his letters and numbers, and as of Monday, he can play with little legos instead of duplos.
I've been a mother for five years now, and the time has truly flown by. For the past five years, I've worn whatever fit my body at the moment (anywhere from a size 4 to a 14) and showered whenever I could squeeze it in, worn my hair in a ponytail more days than not and just generally let my physical appearance fall a little lower on the priority scale. I spent two and half years pregnant, and another two and a half years nursing babies. My body was squishy, my breasts alternated between perky and full and flat and saggy. My belly and thighs are streaked with deep stretch marks, there's a gap between my abdominal muscles. I wore yoga pants and flip down tops to allow access for the babies to eat. There's nothing wrong with the squishy body and the sloppy clothes, it's where I was in life at the time.
After three children, my body has stabilized (nowhere near my pre-baby body, but it shows the scars of having served a noble purpose and I'm pleased with it) and I'm starting to invest in myself again. Buying shirts that don't have fold-down flaps for breastfeeding and wearing dresses with heels again. I've even joined Premier Designs jewelry as a fashion consultant, serving others by helping them pick out jewelry for every occasion too. After several months of success with Premier Designs, I decided to hop on the direct sales train, and I joined Mary Kay as well. I'm using the cleansers and moisturizers, and trying to focus on saving three minutes for myself to toss on some makeup before leaving the house. It's just three minutes, I don't use much but it gives me a polished look.
I'm starting to re-emerge as a human being again. I'm dressed in clothes that fit without an elastic waist. I'm wearing coordinating jewelry. I have a little powder and blush on. I've been studying the Mary Kay eye makeup examples and experimenting with my makeup. I've dried my hair. I may not be a super model, and I may not achieve every one of these goals every single day. There's still plenty of days I'm in sweats with a pony-tail. But I'm truly starting to feel like a beautiful, put together woman again.
Before you think that I'm pretending to be perfect, I should let you know that earlier this week, as I washed my face before bedtime, I noticed that I'd been wearing one eye of green eye shadow, and one of bronze, all day.