I've been here before.

That number.  It looks so oddly familiar.  It is.  Odd.  And Familiar.  Since I have no idea who's reading my blog these days, I'm a little hesitant to put such a number out there.  Here goes.  Maybe I can use a small font?   177.  That's right.  I said it.  That's how much I weigh.  It's how much I weighted before I got pregnant with Marek.  So I could call it pre-pregnancy weight.  However, it's not my goal weight.  I was about 17 pounds from goal weight when I got pregnant with Marek, so now I've returned to this spot, this plateau and this time I'm determined to blow right through it. 

I'm technically overweight by the BMI charts.  And before you give me the "you have a two month old" speech, let me assure you that I was at this weight after baby two within the first six weeks.  I just never pushed past it. 

There were so many factors that contributed to me keeping 17 extra pounds after Chester.  The most glaring is that I was overconfident.  The weight peeled off after Pete.  In fact, I was the thinnest I've been since high school after Pete was born.   I didn't even have to try to get the weight off, it just melted.  I laughed in the face of women who said "nine months to put it on, nine months to take it off".  I'm 5'10" with a nice solid frame, so 145 and a size four was actually not an attractive weight for me and I happily gained back to a healthy 160 before getting pregnant again.  After Chester, I didn't bother making any sort of effort again, and lost 20 of the 40+ pounds I'd put on.  But that was it.  The scale hovered between 170 and 180 for the next year. 

Our vacation to D and K's wedding in Turks and Caicos really pushed me to make an effort.  Oh, not before the vacation, but after.  After I saw myself in pictures, and saw myself in a swimsuit I truly started my weight loss journey.  There were a few bumps in the road, but I manage to get down to 168 before starting to gain with Marek. 

This time I told myself I will not allow that to happen again.  So I'm being more careful with the alcohol.  And brownies.  It's best if I don't even let baked goods or candy in the house, as I have zero self control when I'm stressed.  After cleaning the toilet and your toddler's pants for the fifth time today, a handful of M&Ms really satisfies with the crunchy shells and the sweet chocolate melting in your mouth... but I digress. 

I'm a mere three weeks from being able to use the YMCA playcare for Marek.  Though now that I've been cleared by the midwife to return to the gym, I am going to sneak him in earlier, like this week so that I can return to my yoga, zumba and treadmills.  Exercise is both good for the body and the soul, but it's difficult to accomplish at home with three children screaming for your attention, and trying to fit it into our evenings when Ryan's home to watch Marek is nearly impossible if I want to have dinner and bedtime on time to keep my older boys in a routine.  I also do better with a stable schedule, and I'm excited to be starting a sustainable routine again, even if it means fibbing a little to the YMCA playcare.   

Mini goal #1 Sneak the baby into playcare twice a week while Pete's in pre-school.
Mini goal #2 167 pounds, which is the cut off between overweight and healthy for my height.
Mini goal #3 Run a 5K.  I returned to running after Pete and completed a half marathon, but failed miserably 8 miles into my half marathon after Chester. 
Mini goal #4 Run that half marathon!
Final goal- 160lbs, living a happy and healthy life with the ability to keep up with my three crazy boys. 

When did the time start to fly by so quickly?

Do you remember a time when summer break seemed like forever?  When the days crawled by as you struggled to find ways to stay entertained for three whole months? 

When did it change?  When did time start to fly? 

Ryan replaced our roof this fall and we choose the 30 year shingles.  Chatting with my Grandmother, who replaced her roof on the boathouse recently with a metal lifetime roof, she laughed that 30 years flies by and before you know it we'll have to buy a new roof again!  I guess when you're 85, 30 years can fly by. 

Because of a scheduling conflict, I'll be missing my ten year reunion this summer, and do you know what I honestly thought?  Oh, well, that's sad, but there's another one at 15.... 

Right now we're in between, not quite dragging the days like our youthful summers and not quite breezing by 30 years, but I am noticing the rate of time increasing as it passes.  It took forever for Pete to turn six weeks old, yet already nine weeks with Marek has flown by.  With three kids, there are appointments, school days, lessons, parties etc. that keep us so busy I'm booked solid through July.  That's right, it's March and I'm scheduled out through the end of July.  Pete's birthday is six weeks away.  Our move is eight weeks away.    Three months until Shelley's wedding.  Then a trip to Ohio and Michigan and once we're back to Massachusetts it's time to get ready for school and the festivities of fall.  My birthday, Ryan's birthday, our seventh anniversary, Thanksgiving in NYC with Doug and Emily, and finally there are 19 paychecks until Christmas.  Don't you feel like you just finished cleaning up from Christmas?  I'm tempted to get pregnant, just to watch the 41 weeks slow down again!

I feel like we turned the corner a few days ago, when I got close to a full night's sleep.  The older boys were behaving pleasantly, and the baby allowed me to put him down without screaming his head off.  I got to enjoy my children.  It's something I haven't done in a while.  While it's been a total zoo around here, I was just treading water.  Just making it through the day.  But this week, I got to take the time to enjoy my children again.  It's not like every day is suddenly perfect (though it was pretty close to perfect because I did shower, put on my next size down jeans, put on make up, do preschool drop off and drop off a meal to another brand new mom all by 10am) but the days have been pleasant enough that I was able to enjoy the little moments of each day that make this all worth it.

Maybe now that I'm not in such a haze the days will stop flying by.  Or maybe soon I'll be telling my grandchildren about that 30 year roof needing to be replaced before you know it. 

They're all different. No, really, now I actually believe it!

Everyone kept telling me each pregnancy is different (mine were all pretty similar and miserable, though this last one did kick my butt a little more than the first two- I figure I'm just getting older!) and that each child is different.  I smiled and nodded because the first two boys were very similar.

But now I can really believe it. 

Pete and Chester both had trouble breastfeeding.  Marek has been a dream.  He followed all of my research about how a breastfeeding relationship is supposed to go.  From the slightly sore nipples, to the six week growth spurt, it's like he actually read the books too!  I stopped by the LC office this week, and of course the LC recognized me immediately (I spent enough time in her office, she probably went through withdrawal when I stopped going after Chester started solids).  The LC, my NP, PCM, midwife, ENT and breast surgeon never could figure out why Chester mangled me so badly.  We never had a definitive answer, and so I just assumed this would be another year or more of screaming pain.  But Marek has excelled from day one.  He's well on his way to becoming my favorite!  (Just kidding.  A little)

Pete and Chester both wake up screaming angry.  They always have, from day one.  Regardless of if they're sleeping in my arms, in my bed or in their own bed, swaddled or unswaddled, day or night.  The eyes open and they squeal.  I envied mothers whose children "fussed" or "talked to themselves" when they wake up.  I nearly smacked the mom who said she waits to hear her baby on the monitor (we never needed a monitor, they wail loudly and immediately, so why amplify the cries?) then gets up and takes a shower, gets dressed and only then, 30 minutes later, does she go get her child from his crib.  I was always woken up by a shrill scream, and the crying doesn't stop.  Marek has started waking up and babbling in his crib!  Seriously.  I've showered twice this week, even put on make up and dried my hair too.  The older boys?  Both still wake up from nap screaming like someone is stabbing them. 

Not much time these days to blog, but I just wanted to put a little updatte out, and record my glee at how well we're doing.  Busy, but doing well!  I'm sending out hope for all of you Moms (like my pal JC, happy birthday!) who had difficult first babies and might be a little cautious about a second...   They really can be different!